SAN DIEGO – Growing up, Murry never knew of a life without alcohol, drugs and crime. in fact, he started using alcohol and drugs on the streets of San Diego at the age of 9.
Murry, who will only be referred to by his first name in this article because of the principles of his recovery program and to protect his privacy, is now 32 and says that he is just now finally starting to really live his life.
On Jan. 22, Murry celebrated his 14th month of being clean and sober, which he credits to the time he spent at Stepping Stone of San Diego, a non-profit alcohol and drug agency that focuses on the LGBT and HIV-positive communities.
Tonight, Jan. 27, Murry will participate in the organization’s annual graduation ceremony that honors those who have successfully completed Stepping Stone’s treatment program.
Thrilled and honored to be participating in the ceremony, Murry says that Stepping Stone saved his life, although there was a time when he thought his life was not going to get much better than the bottle of liquor that he carried with him in his backpack every single day.
Growing up with drugs, alcohol and crime
Throughout his life, Murry said that he never felt very connected to his family. his mother, who died when he was a freshman at San Diego’s Lincoln High School, suffered from multiple illnesses and was sick most of the time.
His father was in and out of jail and several members of his family were drug users, he said.
“I didn’t have a father figure and never could connect with my dad,” Murry said. “I was pushed out to the streets and found anybody that had drugs.”
It was this disconnect, Murry said, that led him to being uncomfortable disclosing that he was gay, a secret that created much internal pain for him.
“I think my dad would have rather I come to him and say I had robbed a bank then tell him I was gay,” he recalled.
In high school, once he started to get in tune with his sexuality, Murry said he became a “pill popper.”
“At one point, I was taking 30 to 40 Vicodin pills a day,” Murry said, recalling that he also would indulge in alcohol, marijuana and other drugs at the same time.
To feed his drug habit, Murry said he would engage in other crimes, and was arrested numerous times on charges that included bank robbery, check fraud and grand theft auto.
Being thrown in jail did not end his habit, though. Like many people addicted to drugs and alcohol, Murry was caught up in a destructive cycle and although he was probably at one of the lowest lows in his life, he felt like he was on his highest high.
“In 2000, I was about 21 years old and remember carrying a bottle of liquor and a bag of pills around in my backpack at all times,” Murry said. “I thought my life was on the up because I had these items in my possession.”
A life-changing chance encounter
It was a chance encounter that led to Murry’s total life transformation.
After spending six months locked up in the George Bailey Detention Facility in Otay Mesa, Murry had had enough.
He obtained some pills while in jail and overdosed on them. This led to him to UCSD Medical Center, where he found out that he was HIV-positive.
After being discharged from UCSD, Murry was sent back to Bailey to finish his sentence, but this time was placed in isolation. Because of his limited contact with others, he ignored his HIV diagnosis. in fact, because one test said he was positive and another test said he was negative, Murry chose to ignore the positive test result.
Upon his release from county prison, Murry found himself homeless.
A mutual friend introduced Murry to Chris Mueller, Stepping Stone’s program manager, which Murry said was like a “saving grace.”
“Chris took time on his day off from work to help me find a case manager, and living arrangements until a spot opened up at Stepping Stone. He also took me down to UCSD to get a confirmation of my HIV status,” Murry said.
When the results came back, Murry was diagnosed with full-blown AIDS, as he had been living with HIV in his body for some time and did not know it.
“Reality finally set in,” Murry said. “At this point, I realized that I did not want to die.”
Life at Stepping Stone
Murry was able to move into Stepping Stone’s residential treatment facility in City Heights on Nov. 22, 2010.
“I thought it was a piece of s**t at first,” Murry said of his first few days in the program. “I thought to myself, ‘How are they going to tell me what to do?’”
Moving in just before the holiday season, Murry said that the first few weeks at “The Stone” were particularly hard.
“During the first 15 days or so of the program, residents are not allowed contact with the outside world,” Murry said. “I have a partner and I was not able to even speak with him during this time.”
Murry remembers his “detox” vividly.
“I was fatigued and had no energy, but still had to get up every day at 5 am for breakfast and then go to a long series of therapy groups – I was exhausted,” Murry said.
After the initial detox, Stepping Stone clients are then given a strict regimen of chores to complete, including cleaning their living quarters, maintaining the facility and working in the kitchen.
“At first, I did not appreciate this routine. it was hard to see the value until the end of the stay,” said Murry, who completed his time at Stepping Stone about five months later.
Now living in a sober living home sponsored by Stepping Stone, Murry has gone back to school studying to become a marriage and family therapist, and has a job.
Murry is working hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle, free of alcohol and drugs, and keeping up with his medication schedule.
“I have to look at my diet and make sure the things I put into my body go well together,” Murry said. “This is the first time I have ever taken the time to really care about my life. Every day I ask myself if I am taking the necessary precautions to live another day.”
Murry said Stepping Stone lived up to its reputation by showing him the love and concern that he needed.
“[Stepping Stone] met me halfway and now it is up to me to meet them,” he said. “I now have no excuse to out and use [drugs and alcohol]. if I do, I will make that choice, which will lead me to being laid up in a hospital.
“I also learned to recognize that life is not always going to be grand all the time but when I have bad days I know that I have a support system.”
Of this support system, Murry said that his partner compares Stepping Stone to “in-laws,” calling it a second family.
Murry said his partner, who he has been with for more than two years, stood by his side and played a big part in his recovery. “He stuck by me as a friend and I realized this it what friendship is all about.”
A life saver
“Stepping Stone saved my life,” Murry said. “I appreciate the fact that it is the only recovery facility in town that focuses on the LGBT and HIV-positive communities. I wouldn’t have had the ability to be comfortable sharing the emotions and pain I was in if it weren’t for this safe place.”
Now involved with Stepping Stone’s volunteer Alumni Association, Murry wants to give back to the organization that gave so much to him.
“I wish people in the community would be able to understand Stepping Stone and the great things it does for the community. People should take it as a responsibility to support this place, which takes care of their sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, uncles, and loved ones,” Murry said. “Without Stepping Stone, I would be dead and others who need it would be lost!”
Transforming lives
John DeMiranda, CEO of Stepping Stone, said that the many challenges of his job are offset by being able to witness the changes that occur in the lives of the organization’s residents.
“We literally ‘save lives,’” DeMiranda said of Stepping Stone’s work. “We take in the men, women and transgendered individuals who are not welcome at other addiction treatment programs. We hold them close as they begin the difficult work of transformation. put another way, we love them until they can love themselves.”
DeMiranda said that one of the most memorable moments of his nearly four years at the helm of Stepping Stone was being asked to officiate at Murry and his partner’s commitment ceremony.
The graduation ceremony
The public is welcome to the Stepping Stone graduation, which celebrates those who have successfully completed the requirements of the program.
Over 20 graduates of the program will participate in the ceremony, which will include refreshments, entertainment and the certificate presentation.
San Diego City Councilmember Todd Gloria is scheduled to address the crowd, and Murry has been selected to speak on behalf of the graduating class.
A social hour will begin at 6 pm, followed by the program at 7 pm at the Balboa Park War Memorial Building, 2125 Park Blvd.
For more information about the event, click HERE.
For more information about Stepping Stone, click HERE.